


A Gentle Hand

by PendingAnchor



Series: Teen Wolf One-Shots [2]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst and Humor, Depressed Stiles, Derek Hale Talks About His Past, Derek Hale is Bad at Feelings, Derek Shows Emotions, FTM Stiles Stilinski, M/M, Oblivious Scott McCall, Past Derek Hale/Paige, Sheriff Stilinski Is In the Hospital, Stiles Stilinski Talks About His Past, Trans Stiles Stilinski
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-06
Updated: 2016-02-06
Packaged: 2018-05-18 20:26:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5941945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PendingAnchor/pseuds/PendingAnchor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Maybe Derek barging into Scott's room that day<br/>wasn't such a bad thing after all.</p><p>Updated/Fixed: 27 November 2017</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Gentle Hand

**Author's Note:**

> {Trigger Warnings:  
> Talk in detail about depression  
> Mentions of suicidal thoughts  
> Slight mention of dysphoria}

Third Person

Stiles let out a very loud, ‘unmanly’ scream as he walked out of Scott's bathroom with a towel wrapped loosely around his waist. Derek looked at Stiles from his spot in the windowsill, a horrified expression plastered onto his face. It was then that Stiles realized he had let go of his towel, allowing it to fall to the ground, when he screamed. Stiles quickly turned around, cupping himself with both hands. "Derek?!” he yelled, his voice 'very slightly’ cracking. “What in the hell are you doing here?!"

"I-I was-Fuck!" Derek cut himself off with a curse as Stiles heard a loud crashing noise. It had almost sounded like Derek had fallen out of the window then off the roof. Stiles then heard Melissa let out a shriek before yelling Derek's name in surprise. Confirming that what he had heard was, in fact, real. Melissa asked Derek the same question Stiles had moments before the smooth dumbass managed to fall out of the window.

Stiles tried to listen to their conversation, but gave up after a minute or two. His human ears were too weak to hear them from where he was standing, because of the quiet volume they were talking at. And there was no way, in heaven or hell, that he was moving any closer to the opened window without any clothes on. Stiles looked down at his hands, that were still gripping his privates, then quickly moved to grab a pair of boxers out of his bag. Because he knew damn well that Derek would be coming back up once Melissa was done talking to him, and he no longer trusted that damn towel. Stiles barely had enough time to have the boxers pulled all the way up before Derek was back up at the window. "And you are allowed to use the front door, you know!" Melissa yelled up at Derek as Stiles heard her getting into her car.

Stiles just stared at Derek as a blush creeped onto his cheeks. Because the man had just seen him NAKED! Which also didn’t do much for Stiles’s self confidence. Derek hadn’t mastered the control of his full wolf transformation at the time, which caused Stiles to have seen Derek in full nude a few times. So it was only fair that he saw Stiles, but the human was still dealing with body issues. And Derek looked a lot better than him. How he wished he looked. Stiles tore his eyes from the man in front of him and tried to think of something that didn't involve him, Derek, and a wall. Stiles decided to focus on picking out his outfit. The last thing he needed right then was Derek finding out about his stupid attraction towards him. ‘Breathe fucking idiot!’ he thought over and over again.

"Um, Stiles?" Had Derek Hale just said um? Was this a dream? Was he going to wake up by Scott yelling at him, because he had an erection from having another- "Stiles!"

Stiles snapped his head in Derek’s direction then let out a weak, sorry. ‘I was too distracted by my internal monologue to pay any attention to you.’ He let out a cough to clear up any remaining inappropriate thoughts left running around his mind. "What did you want?"

"I just wanted to drop by to make sure that you are okay."

Stiles rolled his eyes. "Since when do you check up on me?" Indeed, Stiles knew he was definitely dreaming. The crazy werewolf didn't care that much about him, the hyperactive spaz of a human. Sure, they were forced to be in a pack with each other because Scott was the alpha. And Scott considered Stiles as part of the pack. But that didn't mean Derek had to fully like and accept it.

"Since you and your dad were almost mauled to death by a totally out of control, high on the full moon werewolf, that we still don't know anything about." Stiles almost could have touched the amount of duh in Derek’s statement. Derek paused for a few short moments, seemingly unsure if he should say the next sentence or not. "I wanted to be sure you are healing like a proper human being, even though you are far from one. And I wanted to be sure that there aren't any.. Any complications." Stiles thought Derek seemed sick by his own words. Did Derek really hate him that much? Had Scott forced him to come by to check up on Stiles? But Scott was right downstairs, why would he need to do that? Why would Derek have come on his own free will? He wouldn't have.

"Other than the fact that it will take me months to heal, rather than seconds, I'm healing just like you would. As you can clearly see, there's no discolored blood, or any blood at all actually. Not anymore anyway. Everything has pretty much scabbed over. They itch like a bitch, but I'll live. This isn't the first time I have gotten hurt. You should have seen me when I was nine." What was he even saying? Back to the point. "Yes, we don't know anything about the werewolf that attacked us, but it wasn't an alpha. So there isn't really a need for you to come check up on me. Scott has been doing a good job at keeping an eye on me." He was rambling and making a fool of himself. There had to have been a different reason why Derek was there. Something bad had to be going on, that was the only logical explanation Stiles could come up with. “Oh god, has my dad's condition worsened?”

"Stiles? Stiles calm down." Derek stepped forward and gently placed a slightly hesitant hand on Stiles’s neck. The gesture didn’t help calm his heartbeat down at all. Had Stiles asked that out loud and not realized it? Could Derek read his mind? Or had he just been able to read the human that well? Derek said Stiles’s name again, softer that time. Stiles instantly, and quite visibly, calmed down. And he was definitely confused about how Derek managed to calm him like that by simply saying his name. "Relax. Your dad is fine and should be out of the hospital in a week or two."

"Sorry." Derek’s expression turned confused at the word that came out of Stiles’s mouth. Stiles relaxed a little more at the feeling of Derek’s hand still on his neck. Which then caused his expression to turn confused as well. "Sorry," Stiles stupidly said again. What was going on with him? It wasn’t even noon yet!

"Why are you-"

"It's nothing." Even Stiles heard his heart jump at the automatic lie. "Okay, so it's obviously something. But uh, can I get dressed before I run away from embarrassment?" Stiles wasn’t sure if he had meant that he wanted to get dressed then run away, or if he just wanted to get dressed because he was embarrassed. There was a reason he hated people seeing him shirtless, let alone completely naked. Yup, he was definitely going to run away once Derek let go of him. Stiles contemplated just grabbing his clothes and parkouring out the window that was still open.

Derek looked down at Stiles’s bare body, as if he had forgotten the boy was only dressed in a pair of boxers. As Derek stared at Stiles’s chest scars, for a few moments too long, Stiles tensed, starting to feel extremely insecure. Sensing the human's uncomfortable feeling, Derek quickly removed his hand from Stiles’s neck then backed away from him. "Yeah, do that." Derek took a seat in Scott's desk chair then turned away from the almost naked human. Stiles would have thought he saw a blush creep onto Derek’s face, but he knew better than to believe his eyes on that one.

"Am I too hot for the Big Bad Wolf to handle?" Derek made a comment under his breath, that Stiles’s weak human ears were unable to hear completely or correctly. Stiles brushed it off, not really wanting to know what Derek had said. He wasn’t sure his self-confidence could have handled much more at that point. It was already in pieces and scattered across the floor.

"Are you going to actually get dressed? Or are you just going to stand there like an idiot all day?" Scott's voice asked from the doorway. "By the way, you're welcome to join us for breakfast, Derek."

"No thanks," Derek said, suspiciously fast. "Not after the image I just got from your friend that I'll never be able to unsee."

"Call it payback for all the times I have seen you!" Stiles defended instantly. "I'm not that ugly, you unbelievably inconsiderate asshat." Stiles didn’t understand why Derek would say something like that. Yeah, he knew the wolf wasn’t very fond of him, but damn. That was low, even for Derek! He should have known the human had issues with his body. And with his mind. Especially then, with everything that was happening. Stiles turned his gaze quickly down to the floor, not wanting to look at either of the two boys next to him. But when he saw himself, still almost fully undressed, he closed his eyes tightly.

"Wait, what?" Leave it to Scott to be an innocent little shit. One that never seemed to have any idea what was going on around him. Recently, Scott never noticed when his best friends was upset. They had used to be so in tune with each other. He just simply didn’t notice anymore. Or maybe he just didn't have time to care anymore. "What's going on?"

"Nothing!" Stiles grabbed his bag then stormed out of Scott’s bedroom, making sure to slam the door loudly behind him. He hurried down the stairs then locked himself into the bathroom. Stiles wasn’t usually someone who enjoyed staring at himself in the mirror. Normally, he avoided mirrors all together if he could help it. But in that moment, Stiles found himself standing in front of the mirror and slowly looking over his body. His mind raced as thoughts he had fought so hard to push away came rushing back. He watched as a tear fell slowly from his left eye. Then one from his right eye. Left. Right. Left. Right.

Wrong.

After hearing footsteps upstairs, he quickly got dressed into the first things he pulled out of his bag. Stiles bolted out of the bathroom then raced out the front door before either of the boys heading down could react. Once in his jeep, he turned the keys in the ignition, silently praying that his baby wouldn’t let him down. She made a noise, threatening to not start. Stiles cursed under his breath as the two werewolves appeared in the front doorway. He turned the key again and the jeep started. Scott yelled Stiles’s name as the human put the jeep in reverse and backed out of the driveway like a bat out of hell.

He neither needed or waed either of those two to see him crying. He already knew they heard him doing it. But seeing was much worse.

Upon reaching his house, Stiles very badly parked the jeep in the driveway. He sat there for a moment, debating on wether or not he wanted to go inside or not. He slowly opened his car door then got out. He listened to it creak shut then began walking up to the door to his house. His empty house.

He had been on the house alone many times. But this time it felt a thousand times more lonely. Stiles hated the extremely empty feeling he was having. With his dad in the hospital and Lydia on a girl’s trip with the others, Stiles didn’t have anyone other that the two boys he just ran from to confide in. Stiles could feel his depression getting worse again.

This wasn’t how Stiles had wanted to spend his last spring break as a high school student. He spent his freshman year sp locked in his room listening to depressing music and contemplating suicide. Sophomore year he was dealing with Scott being a werewolf and Lydia supposedly going insane. Junior year he was recovering from his top surgery operation. This year was his chance to actually go out and have fun. But instead he was attacked by a werewolf and his dad was in the hospital. Such fun.

Nothing in Stiles life seemed to go as planned. In fact, everything went in the opposite direction. Screaming. Stiles collapsed onto the couch in the living room then curled into a human ball. Not having any more tears to cry, he just lied there silently. His eyes were burning from all of the crying he had done the last couple of days. He stared at the back of the couch, not knowing if having his eye opened or closed hurt more. It felt like he was about to have a panic attack. And he didn’t think he was in a good enough mindset to stop it if it happened. Then he would just die in the middle of the floor.

Stiles found himself thinking that wouldn’t be such a bad thing. He figured it would solve many, many problems. His own and his friends’s. His dad’s. He took a deep breath, but the air felt as if it was burning his lungs. He tried to convince himself to get up, telling himself he wasn’t doing any good by just lying there. But the more he tried to make himself get up, the less he wanted to move. He didn’t even have the strength or motivation to move when someone came into the house. They just walked right in through the front door, without saying anything. Stiles couldn’t help but hope it was a robber that would kill him when they found him just lying there. He was pretty much dead already. On the inside anyway. It was just a constant pain all-

Stiles about jumped out of his skin when he felt a pair of strong arms pull him up and into the owner of them. He didn’t need to look up to know it was Derek. The scent spoke for itself.

Great, just the person Stiles wanted to have follow him to see his highly depressive state. How horrible can his life get in one week? He would have rathered to relive the experience of Derek seeing him naked then have him see him like that. In his most vulnerable state. They both already knew Derek was ten thousand times stronger than Stiles. And now Derek was seeing that Stiles wasn’t as strong as he portrayed himself to be. It definitely wasn’t ideal to have your stupid, unrealistic crush see you being all depressed and suicidal.

Derek doesn’t say anything. Leaving Stiles stuck between wishing he would say something, anything, and being grateful that he isn’t. The two boys sat in the almost comfortable silence for a while. Stiles was trying to calm himself down and Derek was trying to find the right words for what he wanted to say. Stiles came to the conclusion that he was overreacting about his dad. Derek told him he would be fine, and Stiles trusted that he wasn’t lying. Derek knew all too well about how losing family felt, and if he thought something was wrong, he wouldn't keep it to himself.

Derek softly placed a hand on the back of Stiles’s head then gently pulls the boy into his chest. Stiles wanted to pull away and run up to his room. The way he always did when Scott tried to pull something like that with him. He didn’t though; Derek’s touch relaxed him. Stiles let his body rest against Derek’s. But even with the wolf’s hand tangled in his hair and their bodies pressed against each other, Stiles felt as if he was skydiving without a parachute. 

After a few more short moments, Derek found the words he was looking for. “:You don’t need to be scared all the time, you know?” His voice was soft and slow, almost the complete opposite of what Stiles was used to. “The pack, all of us will always be here for you, Stiles. You don’t have to fight things on your own anymore.” Derek draped his free arm over Stiles’s side, letting his hand fall over his back. “As hard as asking for help is, trying to fight it alone is so much harder.”

“Derek..” Stiles’s voice sounded broken.

“Laura and I, we didn’t have anyone but each other to help us through losing our whole family in the course of one night. We both tried to be strong for the other’s sake. We both coped with the pain in different ways, by ourselves. Laura was smart about it. She threw pain into her writing and did some of her best writing I had ever read.” Derek let a small smile spread on his lips as he talked about his sister. But it soon faded as he continued, “But me; I threw all of my pain into sex and drugs, into anything I could get my hands on. I always had to be on something or the pain of not being able to protect them would be too much. I wanted to forget. I went down an extremely self-destructive path and-”

“You don’t have to tell me about this, you know.” Stiles could hear the pain in Derek’s voice, and it was hurting him. “And you didn’t have to follow me here either.”

“But I wanted to.”

With those four simple words, Stiles felt as if everything would be okay. Derek was there with him, trying his best to make him feel better. Derek had followed him, knowing very well that he hadn’t needed to. There Stiles went again, confusing himself with his thoughts. Stiles wasn’t even completely sure which statement the words were in response to. And neither one really made sense. The only thing Derek hated more than talking about his family was someone hurting members of his pack. Maybe Derek didn’t hate Stiles as much as he thought he did.

“But you didn’t have to.”

“Stiles, I wanted to.”

Neither of them said anything after that. Stiles stared up at Derek, trying to understand him as the feeling of his chest slowly rising and falling gave him a strange sense of comfort. He wasn’t even getting confused about it anymore; he knew exactly what was happening. Derek was staring straight ahead at the wall above the fireplace. He moved his hand from in Stiles’s hair to resting on the arm of the couch, which seemed to upset Stiles slightly. But Stiles didn’t complain.

Stiles leaned back a little to try and get a better view of Derek’s face, in attempt to figure out what the boy was thinking. But he leaned too far and began falling. Stiles quickly reached out and grabbed onto Derek’s shirt to pull himself back up. Their chests slammed together, sandwiching Stiles’s arms between them. Derek’s grip tightened around Stiles and his free hand went back to being in his hair. Stiles’s grip on Derek’s shit tightened as he closed his eyes to brace himself for Derek to yell at him for being an idiot.

His eyes snapped back open when something wet hit his cheek. His hand automatically went up to the wet spot as Derek threw him onto the other side of the couch. Derek then abruptly stood up and turned away from Stiles. The movement of Derek’s arms indicated to Stiles that he was wiping furiously as his eyes. Almost as if they had betrayed him. And in a way, they had. Derek was crying, and crying meant emotion. Showing emotions was a weakness. Stiles didn’t even think Derek was capable of showing such a weakness in the presence of another person, let alone him.

Stiles took a deep breath as he stood up from the couch as well. He cautiously moved to stand behind the wolf. Hesitantly, the human raised his hand up and gently placed it onto Derek’s shoulder. It was silent for a moment, then Stiles decided on the right words to express what he wanted to say. A shaky breath left Stiles’s lips. “Before my mom died, whenever I would get upset about something she would place a gentle hand on my shoulder. Whatever the reason was, big or small. I always made me feel better, safe. I have never really been able to understand why the simple gesture calmed me so much.” He paused for a second, remembering what his mom’s hand resting on his shoulder felt like. “Then after she died, my dad started doing it too. Everytime he notices that I am getting upset, I feel his hand on my shoulder. So I guess I have learned to associate it as a comforting gesture.” As Stiles spoke, Derek noticeably relaxed under his touch. “It’s okay to show emotions to people, Derek. To show weakness.”

"I'm sorry, Stiles." The sound of how weak Derek’s voice sounded as he said those words just about broke Stiles’s heart. And that was how he knew Derek meant them. "I should have given more of my attention to you. I could tell something was wrong and I never did or said anything about it." He placed one of his hands onto Stiles’s hand that was still resting on his shoulder.

"It's not your job to do something about it."

"It's not anyone's job to do something about it. That doesn't mean no one should. I don't hate you, Stiles. I hate the fact that you remind me-" Derek cut himself off as he turned to face Stiles. He kept a hold of his hand as he continued. "You remind me of Paige."

"How?" Stiles’s tone was soft and curious. The statement hadn’t really surprised him much, because Peter had told him the same thing before. Stiles didn't really trust Peter though; the man liked messing with Stiles a lot. But Derek? Him Stiles trusted.

Derek let out a sigh before explaining what he had meant. "To be completely honest with you, I don't really know. I guess the both of you got on my last nerve when we first met. You both aren’t afraid to speak your mind and are prone to getting yourselves in trouble.” A pause. “But I was fourteen when I was with Paige. I didn't know how this was supposed to feel." Derek paused for another moment, seeming to not trust himself. "I thought the whole 'I hate you' 'I love you' thing was supposed to be romantic. But it isn’t. It's tragic. Because in the end, it's always 'I hate you.' And that destroys you."

Stiles let Derek’s words sink into his brain for a few seconds before beginning his reply. “But isn’t that what love is about?” Stiles paused, staring into Derek’s eyes to give him a chance to reply. But he was silent as his big green eyes looked back into Stiles’s with a terrified look in them. And for once since they had ran into each other in the woods a few years back, it was easy for Stiles to remember that Derek was only a few years older than him. “Love is about finding the person that ends with ‘I love you.’ You can’t just meet someone and have everything instantly click. You have to go through all the obstacles, no shortcuts and no do overs. Even if it’s ‘love at first sight’ for you, it isn’t guaranteed it is the same way for the other person as well.”

“Like with you and Lydia?”

Stiles let out a slight embarrassed chuckle while rubbing the back of his neck with his free hand. “Well, sort of. My thing with Lydia was never actually going to go anywhere.” Absentmindedly, Stiles reached his free hand up to rest it onto Derek’s cheek. The air was much less toxic than it was minutes ago. “And once I was finally able to accept that, I was also able to open up my heart for someone else. You shouldn’t dwell on people you have no chance with. That is what destroys you. And even when you find the person that makes your mind scream ‘you’ve done it! You’ve found the person you are going to spend the rest of your life with!’, you will still have the ‘I hate you’ moments. It’s getting through those moments and loving the person even more that makes the wait worthwhile.”

“You talk like you have already met this person for you.”

"You never really get to know exactly when you have met this person. Hell, you could have met them when you were three and not even know it when you're twenty. You don't know until you are so wrapped up in them that you just feel everything click into place. It's when you feel as if life is actually worth living, because you have them to be by your side. When you know they will always be there to protect you."

"And you will always be there to protect them in return." Stiles’s heart literally fluttered as Derek finished his thought. Derek’s grip on Stiles’s hand tightened as they both looked down at their intertwined fingers. Seeming to have just remembered they had been holding onto each other for a while now. "Kind of like an anchor."

"Exactly like an anchor." The both of them let out a breath of relief in unison, as if the world had been lifted from their shoulders. When they finally let smiles spread across their faces, Stiles could have sworn it lit up the entire room. They stare at each other for a while then Stiles’s brain to mouth filter fails him. “I wish you would smile more.” Had he seriously just said that outloud? “YOu’re really beautiful when you smile like that.” Shut up, shut up, shut UP!!

Derek let out a soft laugh as his eyes flickered down to Stiles’s lips for a second before they rushed back up to his eyes. “You should really learn how to-” HIs eyes flickered down once again. “You should, um. You- Wait, what?” They did it again

Stiles closed his eyes and put his bottom lip between his teeth. Because dammit Derek was being an adorable little shit right then. And the next thing Stiles knew, he was being pinned slightly forcefully against a wall. Stiles let out a surprised gasp as he felt Derek press almost his whole body up against his own. Stiles looked down to see one of Derek’s legs in between his and was suddenly very aware of just how close the two of them were to each other. But that certainly wasn’t something new. Derek had done things like that to Stiles a million times before. But that time was different. Stiles looked back up into Derek’s eyes and the terrified looked had been replaced with a look of pure need.

“Well, hello there, Derek,” Stiles said, with his usual tone of sass in those situations. It seemed as if Derek rather enjoyed pinning Stiles up against things like that.

Neither of them was entirely sure who started it, maybe it was a mixture of both of them and they met in the middle. But not even a second later, Derek’s eye flashed blue and suddenly their lips were pressed together in a desperate, wanting kiss. And it felt great. It felt amazing for the both of them to finally feel wanted by another person. A feeling neither of them had had in awhile. A feeling they deeply missed.

Stiles wrapped his arms around Derek’s neck as one of his legs automatically wrapped around Derek’s leg that was between his. Derek pushed him harder into the wall then tangled a hand into Stiles’s hair, letting the other rest on the boy’s waist. Derek gave Stiles’s hair a light tug, causing him to open his mouth to slip their tongues into the kiss. Stiles resisted the urge to laugh, because it would have ruined it. For a second a thought of if they should have been doing that found its way into Stiles’s head, but he pushed it away.

How come everything had to always be based on the black and white areas? ‘I hate you’ and ‘I love you.’ Why didn’t people ever focus on the gray area in the middle? ‘I like you.’ It was such a simple three word, eight letter sentence, much like the other two. Just as strong. Maybe not quite as powerful, but the feelings were still there. But then again, they weren’t exactly only feelings. They were choices. You couldn’t choose who you fell in love with, but you also couldn’t force it if feelings weren’t there. You had to choose to let yourself fall for the right person and believe that they would be there to catch you. You had to choose to stay with them to make it through the ‘I hate you’s and get passed the ‘I like you’s to finally make it to the ‘I love you’s.

After a while, the two boys were forced to pull away from each other. Because just breathing through their noses wasn’t enough anymore. Derek placed his head against the wall next to Stiles, making it so he could feel Derek’s hot breath against his neck. Stiles was pretty sure that Derek could feel his breath as well. They both relaxed, but they stayed in the same position; neither of them wanting to move. After a few moments, their breathing slowed and came out in unison. Stiles looked over at Derek, who had his eyes closed, and let a smile appear on his lips. “Hey, Derek,” he said quietly, nudging the wolf with one of his arms to make him look at him. “I hate you.”

Derek rolled his eyes, but let a smirk form on his lips anyway. “Hey, Stiles.” Derek moved his head so their lips brushed against each other as he spoke. “I hate you, too.”


End file.
